What Being Present Really Means (And How I Found My Way Back to It This Summer)
I have been meaning to write this for a long time. This is my very first blog, and if I am honest, I put it off again and again. So here I am, at the tail end of September, finally sharing it. And I have decided it is never too late to say something that matters.
For those of you who have followed along, you know I run my own parenting coaching business while managing family, the house, and everything else that quietly fills a day. This is a reflection from a parent who also happens to be a parenting coach. Or maybe it is the other way around, the reflection of a parenting coach who is very much still a parent.
I have two boys, aged five and eleven. This summer, I really wanted to be more present with them. But it made me stop and ask a question I think a lot of us carry without saying out loud.
What does being present actually mean?
We use the word all the time. Be present. Be in the moment. But what does it mean for you, in your own home, on an ordinary Tuesday?
For me, it means that when my son is talking to me, I am actually listening. Not nodding while my mind drifts. I mean really listening to why his Lego character does what it does, and why the tv programme he is watching is making him laugh. It means watching him climb the monkey bars in the playground instead of glancing down at my phone. It means letting myself sink into fifteen minutes of play without any part of me being somewhere else.
That is presence to me.
The summer I decided to do things differently
When summer arrived and the boys were home all day, there was no natural break. I was juggling work and childcare, and some days felt long. That is real, and I will not pretend otherwise.
But this summer was different, because I made a decision before it began. I chose to pause in certain areas of my life and business, to ease off where I could, and to give myself a proper break so I could prioritise moments with my family.
I know we all try to do this. The difference this year was that I had reflected on the summer before. I noticed how often I reached for my phone, how much of my attention social media quietly took, and how that pulled me away from the very people I was trying to be with. So I decided to reduce the distraction, not perfectly, but honestly.
I listened to the small voice inside me that knew how I wanted to feel. I wanted to feel less overwhelmed. I wanted to feel joy. And I wanted to remember this summer as the one where I was a present mum.
What actually helped
Here is what I learned, and what you might like to try too.
I learned that I really can put my phone down, and that the world does not fall apart when I do. I leaned on other things instead. I taught myself to knit. I read more books than I have in a long time. And sometimes I simply sat on the sofa and let myself do nothing at all, which turned out to be its own kind of rest.
None of this cost anything. It was mostly about noticing where my attention was going, and gently choosing to bring it back. If you take one thing from this, let it be that presence is not about doing more. It is often about doing less, and being there for it.
What changed for me and my family
So, did I manage it? I did better than last year, and I am genuinely proud of how the summer turned out.
I felt more like myself. I felt content. I had the capacity and the attention for my children, for my husband, and for me. I enjoyed the days as they came, and I felt closer to my boys. But I also felt closer to Carolina, a Carolina with a clearer head and far less of that heavy, overwhelmed feeling.
It is true that as children grow, some things do get a little easier to manage. But this was not about them being older. It was about me choosing how I wanted to feel, and then quietly protecting it.
A few questions parents often ask me
I want to be more present but my mind is always racing. Where do I start?
Start smaller than you think. Pick one moment in the day, maybe fifteen minutes of play or the walk to school, and give it your full attention. You are not trying to be present all day. You are building the muscle one moment at a time.
Is it really the phone, or is it me?
Usually it is neither, and both. The phone is designed to pull us in, so being distracted does not make you a bad parent. Noticing it, and gently choosing differently, is the whole practice.
What if I try and still get it wrong some days?
You will, and that is completely normal. I did and I still do too. Presence is not a test you pass or fail. It is something you return to, again and again, with a little kindness for yourself along the way.
If this sounds like you
If you read this and felt a quiet pull of recognition, please know you are not getting it wrong. You are a parent who cares deeply, and that alone means so much.
Being present is not about doing it perfectly. It is about noticing, choosing, and coming back. You can begin today, with one small moment.
If you would like some support to feel less overwhelmed and more like yourself again, this is exactly the kind of thing I help parents with. I would love to hear from you whenever you feel ready.
With warmth,
Caro